18 basic tips to be a good mother
Guidelines to enjoy motherhood while educating your children well and giving them the support they seek.
Without a doubt, being a mother is one of the most rewarding and wonderful experiences a woman can have, and for many, it is a highlight of their lives. The mother figure is extremely important for the growth of a son or daughter and influences how it develops in different areas of their life: personal well-being, academia, work, interpersonal relationships, etc. In this article, we will tell the best advice for the new moms also.
Of course, although there is only one mother, sometimes they can cause discomfort in their children and become toxic mothers, who by their actions prevent the correct development and emotional well-being of their offspring. The competences that a mother must develop are many, especially considering that the bond that she establishes with her sons and daughters is special, thanks to the body and eye contact that is established between both parties in the first months of life.
Recommendations to be a good mother
If you want to know how to be a good mother, below you can find a list of tips that will help you avoid parenting mistakes.
Set limits to be a good mother
It is clear that we all want the best for our children and we like to see them happy and smiling; however, this does not mean that they should always get away with it. Setting limits and setting rules can be positive for your little ones and their future well-being.
Of course, the rules must be consistent, clear, and simple, they must be the same for everyone and adapted to the maturing age of your son or daughter. At the end of the day we are social beings, so learning to limit the impulses of the little ones is good to better adapt to the society in which we live.
You are their model of learning
The family is one of the main socializing agents, so you must educate your child well. Human beings have different ways of learning, and one of them is through modeling, a concept that Albert Bandura introduced. Although sometimes you may not believe it, what you do and how you behave in front of his matters, because your son is continuously watching you.
Actively listen to be a good mother
Many times we think we are listening when we are hearing. To listen you need to practice active listening. This means that you should not only pay attention to your children trying to understand what they say to you, but also what they feel. In other words, you must attend to both the emotional component (feelings, emotions, sensations, etc.) and the rational component (ideas, beliefs, knowledge, etc.).
Validate your emotions to be a good mother
Active listening to your child is important, but so is validating their emotions. Emotional validation is a process of learning, understanding, and expressing acceptance of another person’s emotional experience. That is, if you suspect that your child has difficulties, active listening can allow you to understand not only his verbal language but also non-verbal (gestures, gaze, posture, etc.) when he opens his heart to you.
Emotional validation will make you show that you understand him (even if you don’t always agree) and, therefore, he will feel more comfortable saying how he feels. We can all feel pleasant emotions and painful emotions, and your son or daughter is no exception.
Let it express itself
Emotional validation and acceptance of emotions are key to your child’s future well-being. This allows your child to learn to express her emotions and feelings instead of minimizing or rejecting them. Emotions do not disappear if we repress them, on the contrary, they can express themselves without control. The correct emotional control is good both for the well-being of your child and for their interpersonal relationships.
Encourage communication to be a good mother
The previous points are closely related to efficient communication, which helps your child to count on you for whatever he needs, and increases the affective bond between you. That is why you must communicate daily with your child and in an open way. This will allow you to get to know him and he will understand that he can trust you when he needs it, even regarding his concerns and fears.
You may be interested: “ Step by step guide to help your child overcome his fears “
Adapt to your child to be a good mother
Sometimes, it can happen that we are not aware of the age of our child because he can misbehave and drive us crazy at some point. As an adult, you must be aware that your child’s level of reasoning follows a developmental process, so you need to adapt to their needs.
Now, it is not a question of treating him as a mature person when he is not yet mature. For example, at age three you may need to say “no” to everything, as it is your way of gaining independence. Do not be surprised by certain attitudes of your little one, because it is not positive that you lose your calm. Keep in mind that the important thing is to educate him correctly, not to get angry in an uncontrolled way.
Be patient to be a good mother
Being a mother can be difficult at times, and it may seem like the situation is coming to you. Going to work, coming home and doing housework, and then educating your child… takes up many hours of your day. But stay calm and try to be patient. Do not pay it with your little ones, and if at any time they do not behave as you think they should, explain the reasons why they should not repeat their behavior. Similarly, if you have a partner, negotiate a better division of tasks, which brings us to the next point.
Responsibilities are also for the father
It is positive that both parents share the responsibilities of the child. Whenever possible, you must find the balance to avoid carrying the full responsibility of educating your child. You will feel less stressed and it will be better for your child if the two of you get along and share their upbringing.
Avoid arguing with your partner in front of your child
It has already been commented on how important the role of parents is for the child’s socialization process and how their behavior can be imitated by it: this is what is known as modeling, vicarious or imitation learning. If you argue with your partner in front of him, you are sending him a negative message, which will not be positive for his development or his learning.
Let him develop his autonomy
Many parents may feel insecure when their children are seeking independence. This happens at any age. Being an overprotective mother is not beneficial at all, because it prevents your child from developing fully and becoming empowered in life.
Don’t let him grow up as a spoiled child
One of the big mistakes mothers can make is thinking that everything they do in good faith is positive for their child. In the first point, we already talked about the importance of setting limits, because raising spoiled children will have negative effects on their well-being. Therefore, you should avoid giving her gifts when she is not touching, reinforcing her negative behaviors, giving in to her tantrums, or acting spoiled yourself.
If you want to know more about how to do it, this article will be useful: “ Guide for parents to teach your child not to hit others “
Avoid being overly disciplined
You mustn’t be excessively disciplined, and under no circumstances hit your son or daughter. Young children who are continually spanked, hit, or slapped are more likely to fight with other children in the future and to develop a negative personality.
Watch your parenting style to be a good mother
As with the types of leadership, there are different types of parenting styles that are not characteristic of parents but rather forms of relationship between father and son. These parenting styles have their benefits and their negative consequences, and we can distinguish four: democratic, authoritarian, permissive, and indifferent. The democratic style is the healthiest and is based on respect and communication with children.
Play emotionally smart with him
From a young age, children can develop emotional intelligence, which has a positive impact on their psychological health in the future. Through play, children learn skills while having fun, something essential for their development in the first years of life. Gambling is not only beneficial on a psychomotor level, but it can help them better understand their emotions.
Teach him to solve problems
Parents not only act as role models for their children when it comes to teaching them new behaviors, but they are a key part of their growth because they help them develop their superior cognitive ability and intelligence.
Social interaction, especially of parents, supports children’s development by establishing influence through the Zone of Proximal Development, a term coined by Lev Vygotsky. This zone is the distance between the level of maturity reached by the child through the natural process of development, and the level of potential development that can reach when guided by people who are more capable than him, for example, parents.
Find time for yourself
During the first years of life, a mother’s dedication to her son or daughter occupies almost 24 hours a day, but being a mother does not mean that life and good times are over. That is why you must dedicate time to your well-being, which will be positive for your relationship with your little ones. For example, if you enjoyed hitting the gym, make a hole in your life to be able to continue with this activity.
Enjoy your child and the experience
Being a mother is one of the most rewarding experiences a human being can feel, and nothing can be compared to the love that arises within a family. So enjoy this gift that life gives you even if things can get complicated at times. Being a mother is amazing!
Originally published at https://kidsrush.com on September 9, 2020.