Parenting styles represent how parents react and respond to their children. In this article, I will talk about the different styles that exist.
What kind of parent are you? This can be seen based on the parenting styles you use for your children.
Parenting styles are relational structures that involve parents’ conscious, voluntary and involuntary behaviors, attitudes, gestures, and verbal as well as para verbal messages with their children.
It also includes the technical and tactical communication strategies they use.
No institution teaches people to be parents. Instead, you learn this role through how you were brought up. It is characterized by the actions and reprimands that the parents consider being correct.
Therefore, the original family becomes the yardstick when it comes to raising one’s children.
But parents have also mirrored images of their children. In other words, parenting styles also involve an involuntary transfer of information — after all, parents are more transparent than they think.
They convey values, beliefs, types of emotional expression, communication styles, and commands, among others. Find out more below.
Parenting styles: what kind of parent are you?
Psychologist Diana Baumrind developed one of the most well-known theories of parenting styles. She classified parents into four categories:
- Authoritarian: these parents tell their children exactly what they need to do.
- Permissive: These types of parents let their children do exactly what they want.
- Authoritative: these parents provide standards and guidance without being overprotective.
- Neglecting: these types of parents do not consider their children, but focus on other areas.
These parents are balanced and maintain open communication with their children. This is the best way to make children understand.
They are demanding, responsive, and focused on their children, and they want the children to become independent and mature adults. They understand the children’s feelings and teach them to deal with them.
In general, they are not too controlling, which allows the child to explore more freely and make their own decisions based on their ideas.
By supporting the children’s initiatives, these parents can let them solve the problems they encounter. This leads to self-propulsion.
When they rebuke their children, they explain the reason for it, and any punishment is seldom severe or arbitrary. This is because they usually forgive and then try to learn rather than punish.
This leads to children with higher self-esteem and autonomy.
This upbringing style sets clear rules and sets boundaries, but allows children to develop their independence. These parents expect mature behavior from their children, but always by their age.
These parents are not receptive and have high expectations for their children. They also force on it a totalitarian regime characterized by high expectations of compliance with family rules.
Therefore, there is very little open dialogue between parents and children, and children are not allowed to question commands.
This parenting style is restrictive and parents punish their children when they do not live up to expectations. They expect the children to respect the effort they make in raising them.
They do not advocate dialogue and often dismiss it as a tool for reprimand. For example: “Do not talk to you until you have done what I told you. Often the only explanation they give is “Because I say so”.
They are also less sensitive to their children’s needs and are more likely to hit or shout at them, rather than discuss the problem.
Children who are exposed to these parents tend to have poorer social skills because the parents always tell them what to do instead of letting them make their own decisions.
These parents exercise discipline without giving the child any self-control. They view obedience as a virtue and prefer punishment to maintain it.
These types of parents are very sensitive to their children’s needs and desires. Nor do they tend to have any expectations of their behavior. The parents are very involved in this parenting style.
However, they do not demand much from their children and do not have much control over their lives. The lack of boundaries does not allow children to develop self-control.
Children of permissive parents tend to be immature, incapable of controlling their impulses, and not being socially responsible. In other words, they tend to be impulsive, and during adolescence, they may be rejected.
These children never learn to control their behavior and always expect to get away with what they do.
This upbringing style results in spoiled and rude children who demand things from others to get what they want.
These parents are neither demanding nor flexible. They are cold and usually do not get involved in their children’s lives. Therefore, they do not set requirements and do not set boundaries. The children do not have to take responsibility for anything.
Children with neglected parents believe that other aspects of their parents’ lives are more important than them.
Neglecting parents often ignore their children’s feelings and opinions. They also do not support them but limit themselves to meeting their most basic needs (roof over their heads, food, education.).
They are often emotionally and sometimes even physically absent; there is thus no communication, even if they happen to be in the same home.
They are not sensitive to their children’s needs and do not expect them to behave in one way or another. Children raised in a neglected environment can experience emotional and behavioral problems as adults.
The lack of affection and advice has very negative effects on their development. Therefore, they feel insecure, undervalued, and dependent. They have difficulty socializing and low frustration tolerance.
Specific parenting styles
In my work with teenagers, I have seen many peculiarities in parents in interviews with them. Based on Baumrind’s upbringing styles, I can emphasize several different types.
Keep in mind, however, that most parents combine several styles.
Parents who feel guilty when they set boundaries. They want to be recognized and loved by their children and believe that a “no” will lead to rejection.
They encourage their children by discovering all their possibilities. They value and motivate them.
They always talk about what the children did not succeed in doing. Therefore, they do not appreciate what they have achieved but focus only on what they have failed at. It consists of implicitly underestimating them.
They are dictators who do not explain the reasons behind their borders and commands. What their children want does not matter. Instead, they focus only on what they think is best for them.
Moms and dads who set effective, clear, flexible, and explained boundaries.
Parents who believe that gifts and fulfilling all their children’s needs and desires ensure that they develop properly.
Parents who are overly permissive of what their children want and do not slow down their ideas. In other words, they do not set boundaries. They tend not to guide them and instead begin to obey the authority of the children.
These parents need their children’s affection and recognition, which they get by being kind to them. They are convinced that the best place for children is at home.
They overprotect their children and do not encourage their independence. They are afraid that something will happen to them. They do everything for them.
Parents trying to dump all their frustrated desires on their children. They project things they could not do on their children and do not listen to their desires.
Parents guiding their children. They give them advice, but also the freedom to make their own decisions. For example, they can give them material things to help them towards independence. They know they have to let go.
They think they can do anything. They offer the kids everything they need and more. They are convinced that this is the best way to raise children.
They prioritize communication and explaining what a family includes. They do not pressure their children but respect their space, ask questions, and avoid adopting things.
They encourage freedom and independence without measuring the children’s actual emotional world of maturity concerning becoming independent.
They are emotionally nourishing. In other words, they express affection and appreciation with words and gratitude.
Dangerous combinations of parenting styles
- Boundless and omnipotent: they not only advocate boundless freedom but also give children everything they want — apart from the chance to grow. They can give them an apartment so they can live alone, but cover all expenses. They often capture their children by encouraging independence while meeting all their needs.
- The bad and the good: it can be an authoritarian parent and a culprit. One sets extreme and immobile boundaries and commands and punishes the children. The other protects and justifies the children’s behaviors.
- Permissive guilt: they allow boundless actions and do not feel guilty if they do not set boundaries. In the end, they become their children’s children and establish a reverse hierarchy where the children dominate and the parents are oppressed.
- Excessively demanding projectors: they not only neglect their children and their desires and aspirations but are also excessively demanding without even knowing what the children want or can do. They only focus on what the children are missing according to their parameters. The characteristics of an authoritarian parent further aggravate the picture.
A functional and good parent is one who promotes growth, self-reliance, communication, expression of affection, and clear boundaries.
Therefore, they have the following characteristics: Value-adding + Reputable sensors + Productive demanding + Reasonable limiters + Communicators.
Perfect parenting does not exist; instead, raising children is synonymous with learning every day.